Marriage

I stopped blogging for a long time (years) and then couldn't log back in to start up again. I kind of missed it. I recently figured out how to log back in (still not sure how, it was an accident that I'm grateful for). I spent the day re-reading my entire blog. Reminiscing about our life and feeling grateful for all of our experiences. I was sad when I reached the last entry and then I found this unpublished post from 2015. I decided to post it now in 2024:

My husband and I are attending a marriage class at church. There are couples from all backgrounds in that class with us. We have newlyweds, 30+year couples, 2nd marriages, and everything in between.  It's interesting to hear comments from everyone.  The other day, one of the newlywed couples said something like the class made them feel hopeless.  And they went on to say that being single isn't any fun. I think they got the wrong impression from the comments being made from us older couples. So.....I decided to sit down and write a response.  

 I can't speak specifically for everyone, but I don't think anyone in the class is saying they would rather be single, just that marriage is hard.  My life would be easier in some ways if I were single, but it would be way harder in other ways. In the early years of marriage, it seemed so easy.  We were in love and everything was wonderful all the time, even when they weren't, it seemed like they were.  As the years passed and we got more and more comfortable with each other and life got more complicated, so did our marriage. After a few years, we were in the trenches.  I started realizing things about myself that I didn't like.  Everyone has baggage and sometimes the contents of that baggage is not pretty.  It's hard to face alone, but sometimes harder to have someone you love and respect know all your deep, dark secrets...even secrets you didn't know you were keeping.  I was faced with being vulnerable ALL the time.  Life/Marriage got way harder before it got better, but as I learned and grew personally, my marriage grew stronger and morphed into something a whole lot different than those first years. I learned to stop blaming my husband for things and start looking inward at how I was behaving and making things worse.  I can't change anyone else but myself and my actions or reactions.  As I started looking at and treating him differently, he started treating me differently...or maybe just my perspective changed.  I learned to recognize the way he shows love and to stop comparing it to how other husbands show love (especially movie husbands). I learned to appreciate the little things and some things that seemed little to me at the time, but really are bigger than i thought, like my husband going to work each day, all day, so I could stay home with the kiddos. I never really thought that counted as an act of love, now I KNOW it is....it totally is!  He is my knight, slaying dragons every day for his princess and I am lucky to have him.

Now,  I love being married, especially married to my best friend, but that doesn't mean it's easy all the time.  Sometimes it is, but reality is...... marriage is hard sometimes....just like life.  There are times when you come across bumps in the road and you make it over just fine.  And other times, you come across bumps in the road and they seem so big you just want to give up.  That's life.  That's how we learn and grow, and better ourselves....the bumps.  So just like life, marriage is hard and it takes work.  But it is oh-so worth it! I love waking up to my best friend every morning.  I love having someone there for me always, through thick and thin.  I love being able to know I am  loved and cared for, no matter what stupid thing I say or do.  I love having someone that knows me inside and out and still adores me. I love having an equal partner that can share in the responsibilities of life, that can pick up the pieces when I just don't have it in me to do it anymore. I love having a cheerleader by my side telling me I can do anything.  I love having someone to talk to, when life gets rough or when life is euphorically happy, that understands. I love being able to see the good qualities of my partner in my children.  I love that I am taken care of in ways that I don't realize I need til it happens.  I love that there is somebody that sometimes knows me better than I know myself. I love that I can be myself without worry. I love having someone help me become better and constantly forgive me for my mistakes.  I love having inside jokes to laugh about with someone.  I love falling deeper in love every year. 

So, no...I would not like to be single again.  I have put too much work, effort and time into this relationship to want to start over. I have worked hard to build something this amazing.  But the key words are "work hard".  It has been work and at times I wondered if we were strong enough to do it.  But after 17 years, I know we can and I know it was worth it! I look back and wonder how I ever thought those first years were bliss....this, now, is bliss....this, now, is love. I look forward to the next years and wonder how my marriage can get any better, but it probably will, cause time and work and practice usually do that....make things better.

Now in 2024, with 3 adult children, one about to graduate high school, and 26 years of marriage under our belts, I can say the bumps are still happening, but so are the blessings and the joys. At times it feels too hard, but we have made it this far and I am grateful for our journey and the growing we both have done (together and individually). Today I can confidently say that it has been worth it and I love Matt more (and deeper) today than I did 26 years ago. Here's to the next 26! I love you, Matt! ❤️