A New Day to Start Fresh

 originally posted on February 4, 2019

Sometimes I have a bad day.

When I feel like laying in bed is just the right thing. When I just can't bring myself to care about the dishes or laundry or cooking meals for my family. When I don't care about getting dressed or fulfilling all of the commitments I have made to other people or teaching my kids how to not only survive life but live it. When the last thing on my mind is my spiritual or physical needs. I just want to be left alone to wallow and be sad or angry or bitter.

It feels good to wallow.

But then I remember my last angry, frustrated words to my own depressed, fierce, worriers..."Just get up and stop wallowing!"

And then I feel like a hypocrite.

If I can't even take my own advice, then who am I to be giving it? And then the anger starts all over. It's not fair. I am expected to be strong and take care of anything that comes along. To be supportive and loving but when I have a bad day, everyone scatters. I know it's because I start banging around in the kitchen and getting angry at stupid things like the kids being on their devices or how nobody cleans up after themselves or that the cat stole my seat. And I start to notice that I am talking down to everybody like they are imbeciles. I know it's wrong and I'll regret it later but I can't seem to stop.

The anger is empowering.

Until finally I gain control again. I know it's my Heavenly Father speaking peace to my soul. Reminding me that the empowering feeling isn't true empowerment. Reminding me what is important. Reminding me that I AM loved and supported. Reminding me that a bad day is not the end of the world and doesn't define who I am. Reminding me that it's good to take care of myself regularly so I have less of these blowups. Reminding me of my worth as a daughter, wife, mother, sister, and friend. Reminding me that true strength is asking for help. Reminding me that tomorrow is a new day to apologize and start fresh.

To try again.